Blog · Music
The do-not-play list, written properly.
Your DJ will ask for one. Most couples name three songs and assume the rest is obvious. It is not obvious, and that is how the chicken dance happens.
What should be on a wedding do-not-play list?
A wedding do-not-play list should name specific songs and artists rather than genres, and should cover four categories: songs tied to an ex or a difficult family relationship, songs that would upset a specific guest, novelty and line dance tracks the couple dislikes, and anything with lyrics that do not suit the room. Vague instructions such as "nothing cheesy" do not work, because cheesy means something different to every DJ. Ten to fifteen named songs is a useful list.
Why "you know, the usual ones" does not work
Every DJ has heard this. It means nothing, and the reason is worth understanding rather than just accepting.
A wedding DJ plays a few hundred weddings. Across those, the songs that couples ban are wildly inconsistent. One couple’s absolute floor filler is another’s hard no. The chicken dance is a punchline at some weddings and a family tradition at others. The Cha Cha Slide empties a floor in one room and fills it in the next.
There is no universal list, so there is nothing for "the usual ones" to point at. Whatever your DJ imagines you mean will be their own list, built from their own last hundred weddings, and it will not match yours.
The four categories that actually matter
One: songs attached to a person. The one that played at an ex’s wedding. The song a parent who is no longer here used to sing. The one that will make a specific person at table four leave the room. Your DJ cannot possibly know these and they are the ones with real consequences.
Two: songs that will upset a specific guest. Adjacent but different. A divorce in the family, a recent loss, a song from a funeral. These are worth naming even when they feel unlikely, because the cost of getting it wrong is high and the cost of listing it is a line of text.
Three: novelty and line dances you dislike. This is the category couples think is the whole list. It is the least important one, but name them specifically. Chicken dance, Cha Cha Slide, Cupid Shuffle, Macarena, YMCA. Pick the ones you actually object to rather than banning the category, because one or two of these genuinely work in the right room.
Four: lyrics that do not suit your room. A wedding with a lot of children, or grandparents at the front tables, or a religious element, has a narrower range than a wedding that does not. Say so directly. Your DJ would rather know than guess.
What does not belong on it
Genres. "No country" sounds clear and is not. It rules out songs you would have loved and it tells your DJ nothing about the actual boundary.
"Nothing cheesy." Undefinable. Your DJ’s cheesy is not your cheesy.
A list of forty songs. At that length you are no longer giving guidance, you are programming the night, and you will have banned things you would have enjoyed hearing. Ten to fifteen named songs is the useful range.
Anything you feel obliged to include. If you actually want the Cha Cha Slide, keep it. This is a list of your objections, not a test of taste.
The other list nobody asks for
The must-play list is the more useful document and fewer couples write it.
Five to ten songs you genuinely want to hear, plus a note about what your crowd is. "My side is mostly 50s and up, hers is mostly 20s" tells a DJ more than any individual song choice, because it shapes the whole arc of the evening rather than four minutes of it.
Also name the moments: the entrance, the first dance, the parent dances, the last song. Those four are programmed rather than played, and they should never be open to requests.
How this works with guest requests
Opening requests to your guests sounds like the opposite of a do-not-play list. It is actually what makes the list matter.
In We Do, guests submit requests from their table and they land in a queue only the DJ sees. Anything on your do-not-play list has already been ruled out before it reaches the booth, and anything else the DJ can approve, bump or decline with one tap. The guest is never shown a rejection, which is a good deal more polite than the current arrangement where a DJ says yes at the booth and then quietly does not play it.
The list is the veto. The queue is the room telling your DJ what it wants right now, which is the one thing a playlist written in April cannot do in October. More on how requests work.
Common questions
What is a wedding do-not-play list?
A list of specific songs the couple does not want played at their reception. Every wedding DJ will ask for one. It works when it names actual songs and fails when it names genres or moods, because "nothing cheesy" means something different to every DJ.
How many songs should be on a do-not-play list?
Ten to fifteen named songs is the useful range. Much longer and you are programming the night rather than guiding it, and you will end up banning things you would have enjoyed.
Should we ban the chicken dance and the Cha Cha Slide?
Only if you actually dislike them. These are the songs couples assume are universally banned and they genuinely work in some rooms. Name the ones you object to rather than banning the category.
Can guests request songs if we have a do-not-play list?
Yes, and the list is what makes it safe. Requests land in a queue only the DJ sees, filtered against the do-not-play list, and the DJ approves or declines each one. Nothing plays automatically.
What should we tell our DJ besides the song list?
Who your crowd is. "My side is mostly 50s and up, hers is mostly 20s" shapes the whole evening and is more useful than any individual song choice. Also name your entrance, first dance, parent dances and last song, which are programmed rather than requested.